In a week that featured “Rocket Man” at the U.N., political wars over football game anthems, and hurricanes menacing Americans, we could all use a break, don’t you think? Kick back and enjoy the best wit we found on Twitter.
Is there anything more awkward that a post date car hug? pic.twitter.com/XXyobn3zlU
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) September 22, 2017
Thoughts and prayers go out to Lay’s Potato Chips, who are clearly having a nervous breakdown: pic.twitter.com/vt5WXXx9UW
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 18, 2017
Your Joke of the Day from @JimGaffigan. pic.twitter.com/YC3sxaMHd1
— StandUpDotCom (@standup) September 23, 2017
INTERVIEWER: How would you describe yourself?
ME: With words.
INTERVIEWER: …
ME: *nervously* Maybe pictures.— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) September 19, 2017
sorry, standing outside your house with a sign that says “prom?” was probably a confusing way to ask u what prom means
— chuuch (@ch000ch) August 4, 2015
[the first ever boomerang]
HIM: Get rid of it
ME [scared] I can’t— Jon (@ArfMeasures) September 20, 2017
just found a Cinnamon Toast Crunch in my hair. truly blessed. didn’t even have Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
— rob elliott (@rockymomax) September 25, 2017
I get home and realize where my house stood a shark now sits dressed as a house with its mouth open
Shark:[nervously makes house noises]— penjamin.zip (@upsidedowntrash) July 6, 2015
*shakes wife awake*
*whispers*
Karen. Karen! Don’t make any sudden moves…he’s back again. pic.twitter.com/4Xb5jPfXPL— Lazer Cat (@Laser_Cat) August 20, 2014
Wife: Did you check the lawyer’s credentials?
Me: Yes. He’s good.
Wife: I’m not so sure about this
J. Barkington, Esquire: Hello pic.twitter.com/EdsyXnT7V9— Tim (@Playing_Dad) September 21, 2017
11YR OLD: dad, there are 63 red, 57 yellow, 59 blue but only 19 green ones in my Froot Loops bowl…such an odd outlier
ME: [frightened] cool
— Andy Hardy (@AndyAsAdjective) September 21, 2017
