Take a break from political squabbles and arguing over whether the new Twitter character count will “ruin the genre” of Tweets. Kick back and enjoy some of the funniest observations we’ve seen on social media all week.
— Respectful Memes (@RespectfulMemes) September 29, 2017
teacher: class, today we learn about the birds and bees
class: OOOOH
[opens hawk cage]
class: AAAHHH
[calls principal]
RELEASE THE BEES— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) September 29, 2017
[son hands me a picture he painted]
Me: what’s that
Son: it’s our house
Me [walks outside with son]: do you see how it absolutely isn’t?— David Hughes (@david8hughes) August 31, 2017
Operator: Can you hold?
Me: I love being held.
— Turd Ferguson (@generaldietz) December 2, 2015
Me: I’d invite you in but my place is a mess
Friend: That’s OK. I don’t mind
M: The mess tho
F: Don’t be silly
M: I don’t want u in my house— mo (@chuuew) November 7, 2015
ME: *after reading “Into the Wild” once* pic.twitter.com/W2uTBcNH8y
— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) August 22, 2017
*chasing after a rooster* give me your cool hat
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) April 5, 2016
[tv show ‘ice cream or not ice cream’]
Me: *confidently puts down spoon* that’s ice cream
Host: sorry that’s dirt, but thanks for playing
— Ally Gator ? (@notacroc) September 27, 2017
EXECUTIVE: this ones not about murder is it
STEPHEN KING: its about children
E: ok
SK: in corn
E: thats nice
SK:who murder
E: dammit Stephen— rob elliott (@rockymomax) July 31, 2016
a tv show where people come round my house and i pour milk in their shoes while they eat dinner
— coolgorilla™ (@trojansauce) September 27, 2017
[being buried alive]
murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
— Marf (@MarfSalvador) September 27, 2017
COP: What’s the rush?
ME: A Canadian rock band
COP: Ok smart aleck, wait while I check your info
{45 min}
COP: They have some good tunes
— Todd ‘Papi’ Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) December 28, 2016
