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This Week’s Best Jokes on Twitter

    Home Feature This Week’s Best Jokes on Twitter

    This Week’s Best Jokes on Twitter

    By The Editors | Feature, Social Media | Comments are Closed | 5 September, 2017 | 0

    Had enough of hurricane coverage and arguments about divisive issues and hot-headed politicians? Kick back and enjoy the funniest moments of the week from the vast hive-mind we call “Twitter.”

    “Hey nerd, who brings a friggin book to a bar?”

    *my eyes narrow as I close my worn copy of Advanced Techniques for Winning Barroom Brawls*

    — Ygrene (@Ygrene) August 14, 2016


    [on my deathbed in 50 years] ugh when that hostess said “enjoy your meal” why did I reply “you too”

    — Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) July 8, 2017


    Degenerate football coach takes job at Christian school pic.twitter.com/ER1L7VxSjt

    — John Crist (@johnbcrist) August 31, 2017


    This is my 7th day in #Israel, my body is 62% hummus. #ConanIsrael pic.twitter.com/kQRdknjgTa

    — Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 31, 2017


    Don’t flatter yourself, “infinity” scarf. You go around twice, three times if I skip breakfast.

    — Jamie A Lee (@TheJamieLee) August 28, 2017


    Dear Satan, thank you for creating a situation where I was able to drive over and crush my car keys and AirPods. That’s special thinking.

    — Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) August 27, 2017


    Not sure who did this of my tweet but I love it. pic.twitter.com/HXNHxvpaoI

    — Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 30, 2017


    Everybody always goes on about how Michelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back but they never mention how long his arms were

    — Marf (@MarfSalvador) August 30, 2017


    pic.twitter.com/qlSQfD9jSX

    — Respectful Memes (@RespectfulMemes) August 31, 2017


    you: *tweets something smart about politics*
    me: shoes are just socks for your socks

    — Ally Gator ? (@notacroc) August 31, 2017


    [shark tank]
    me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
    shark 1: i’m out
    shark 2: i’m out
    hammerhead shark: i’m listening

    — andrew chamings (@AndrewChamings) September 1, 2017


    Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men’s Warehouse?

    Me: I have no idea. Don’t go outside tho pic.twitter.com/99rRC37SGd

    — Tim (@Playing_Dad) June 17, 2017


    HUMPTY DUMPTY: Help me, I’ve fallen

    ME: But where does it say you’re an egg? Huh? Where does it say that?

    HUMPTY DUMPTY: Please I’m dying

    — REW (@therealeatwood) February 12, 2017


    ME *traps wasp under a cup*

    MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME *appears & sets down 2 more cups*

    ME: no

    MAGICIAN GHOST *starts to shuffle them*

    — spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) August 20, 2017

    humor, Jokes, Twitter

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