The best thing about Twitter is that it demands compression and concision. No rambling on for 2800 words as people routinely do on Facebook. It’s literally impossible to be bored by a Tweet. It’s just over too quick. But sometimes the demands of the medium goad funny people to excellence. Here’s the best of the past week:
Applying for a Twitter account… pic.twitter.com/FjXhKqI3Qt
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) October 10, 2016
pls never let this meme die pic.twitter.com/V9B1ojg606
— ️ (@sryimnate) July 21, 2017
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 26, 2017
I told my son to be soft with the potato bugs and not to squish them, and then I promptly squished an earwig. Because gross.
— Whitney Call (@Whitney_Call) June 24, 2017
????RT @trr49: @scottydog57 @GitRDoneLarry pic.twitter.com/oohRIkMfqX
— Larry The Cable Guy (@GitRDoneLarry) July 25, 2017
Spice up any Facebook comment with random quotation marks.
“Congrats” on your baby.
Congrats on “your” baby.
Congrats on your “baby”.
— Bread Savage (@papasuncle) July 23, 2017
Adult friendship = 2 people saying “I haven’t seen you in forever! We should really hang out more” over and over again until one of you dies
— Lyndsey Gallant (@apocalynds) July 23, 2017
Just heard Chris Christie got booed while performing CPR on a choking victim.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 27, 2017
When a woman call you “Fam” know that she doesn’t find you attractive AT ALL! ?
— Ron G (@ComedianRonG) April 6, 2017
Today is my sister’s birthday, so I bought myself this dope ass shirt. Hope she thinks it’s cool! pic.twitter.com/uFwedrDXcV
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 25, 2017
The most beautiful picture ever taken of the Sydney Opera House. pic.twitter.com/C5DsWlrXaX
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) July 25, 2017
Everytime I see someone jogging I think “they didn’t do drugs well”.
— Alec Sulkin (@thesulk) July 2, 2017
Just bought some throwing knives so yeah, I’m enjoying adulthood.
— rob corddry (@robcorddry) July 2, 2017
I like bagels “double toasted,” but if I hear someone order a bagel “double toasted,” I hate them.
— Todd Barry (@toddbarry) July 27, 2017
RT when you find @JimGaffigan. pic.twitter.com/NmTwtmbMBm
— Lacey Noonan (@laceynoonan) December 28, 2015