It goes past us like a constant slipstream, the constant flow of Tweets. But sometimes you spot something flash past that’s just too good not to share. Here are this week’s best jokes on Twitter:
Today I was mistaken for a woman at the gym. #Blessed
— Stacey Harkey (@StaceyHarkey) July 6, 2017
me after going though my 20th breakdown of the week. pic.twitter.com/ExzmzaD7ge
— Cute Kid Vines (@CuteKidVines) July 22, 2017
Nooooo ? pic.twitter.com/raxV1V0AsF
— First World Pains (@FirstWorldPains) June 14, 2017
When even inanimate objects think you’re trash pic.twitter.com/OI0w6RZYy8
— Stacey Harkey (@StaceyHarkey) June 8, 2017
Recently engaged girls on Instagram pic.twitter.com/BT1bM4j2qs
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) May 18, 2017
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 29, 2017
My daughter: Mom, MOM, MOM MOM, MOOOM–
My daughter: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!#mydaughterismyspiritanimal
— Natalie Madsen (@NatalieMadsen) January 6, 2017
I still remember summer as a child, when my parents shipped me off to camp for 12 years.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 2, 2017
I want to invent a “limo cart” so I don’t have to tie two carts together when I’m acting out at Target.
— Paula Pell (@perlapell) August 3, 2017
Imagine carrying 18 dumbbells to the court tryna look cool just to get overshadowed by a old man hitting free throws pic.twitter.com/RLuIIv1WPd
— Sam Yeezy (@samstaydipped) August 2, 2017
wtf would we all do without dinner? huge shoutout to a killer activity.
— Jamie A Lee (@TheJamieLee) July 31, 2017
Wife: The Romans were gluttons. They overdid everything.
11yo daughter: You can’t overdo water parks.
— rob corddry (@robcorddry) July 31, 2017
Auditioning today. Leaking part of the script before I sign a non-disclosure agreement. pic.twitter.com/14uxSH1StP
— Todd Barry (@toddbarry) August 4, 2017
well, this took a turn. pic.twitter.com/981DA1DwwS
— Josh Patten (@thejoshpatten) August 2, 2017