It has been a rough week in the culture. Time to remember the brighter side of life, in the form of witty Twitter. Sit back and enjoy!
Are you outraged by something you’ve seen on your Timeline? Angry at someone else’s tweets? Introducing GET OFFENDED pic.twitter.com/JjpCqc6PGg
— John Crist (@johnbcrist) June 23, 2016
My mom asked me how to screenshot on her iPhone. I laughed and then remembered she taught me how to use a spoon and a toilet.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) August 18, 2017
[trying to impress date]
HER: I really want to have children.
ME: [to waiter] Bring us your finest baby.
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 16, 2017
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 17, 2017
lmao somebody pls watch this pic.twitter.com/RTgo3hYuOt
— yella ting | (@THEsweeet_yella) August 14, 2017
Had that nightmare where my chute doesn’t open and I hit the ground, and the last thing I hear is a cannibal shouting “5-second rule!”
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) August 15, 2017
Let’s just all agree to stop calling dogs “fur babies”.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 10, 2017
gonna start referring to lactose intolerance as “alt soy”
— Jamie A Lee (@TheJamieLee) August 16, 2017
white supremacists sure do love yelling “go back to africa!!” to people their ancestors literally kidnapped & brought here from africa
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 18, 2017
me at the function pic.twitter.com/1qVvVwU5Ez
— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) August 12, 2017
So fantastic! This iPad stand comes with 24 hour support! pic.twitter.com/XPG17naEKu
— Steve Martin (@SteveMartinToGo) August 16, 2017
Making toast counts as doing cardio, right?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 18, 2017
[first day in jail]
INMATE: what’re ya in for?
ME: a serious lecture if my mom finds out about this
— Hype Hyperson (@TheHyyyype) July 26, 2017
I found a copy of Sheryl Crow’s calendar. Fascinating pic.twitter.com/Mse26I1H7E
— Michael, still here (@Home_Halfway) July 27, 2017